What I also notice is that I don’t seem to hear any/as many happy stories about people (like me) who were married 20-25 years, got divorced, and then found happiness/ marriage, etc again. I have always believed that 50’s is in fact, no-man’s land, whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, the reason being that you aren’t really young anymore, but you aren’t old either. I am me and all I can do is live life to my potential. The thing that bothered me most about your email is this part: You write: “found happiness/marriage etc.
It seems to me that lots of middle aged women get divorced and stay single. And, older men have interest but that isn’t really fair either. I would like to know your thoughts on the likelihood of 50 year old women finding a second life partner. It’s really funny that I would get this email from you, wondering about dating over 50. Because I’m turning 50 in 6 months, and I’m recently single again. I have had some issues while shopping for clothes in recent years, because all the clothing out there either seems too young or too old for me. again.” The slash between happiness and marriage clearly indicates that you equate happiness and marriage, and that’s something I definitely don’t do. I would ultimately like to be married again (I think) but anyone who reads this blog should know by now that I don’t feel marriage brings happiness unless you wait for the right person and/or the right time.
No doubt real life will be waiting when that moment is up. You could be on the other side of that coin one day. Don’t start doing Conan O’Brien’s, in your head about you and your date. Your date could be a great match for you on paper or, as my mother always says, has all the checks in the right boxes, but if that spark isn’t there, it’s important to accept it and move on. No one likes to be on the receiving end of a Q&A session. Prepare for a first date as you would a job interview. When I explained I wasn’t comfortable having a man I barely know to my home, I didn’t hear from him again until he resurfaced a couple of weeks later, apologizing for his less than chivalrous behavior. For those using online dating, expand your search radius and expand your horizons. People come to where they are in life through their own trial and error.
Enjoy your time with (hopefully) good company (if not, see letter G), and stay in the moment. Unless you believe you are in imminent danger, try to get through the meeting as quickly but as politely as possible. No matter how many dates a person has had, meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-racking, especially if there is an immediate attraction. Careers, children, grandchildren, friends, and social commitments all factor in, and even if romance is not written in the stars, we can always learn from someone else’s life experience. Sometimes it boils down to plain old chemistry, or a lack of it. Ask questions but be a conversationalist and not an interviewer. A pretty face may get you in the door, but a smart woman is the one who keeps the guy from walking out that door. As soon as I agreed, he followed up with a text asking if he could bring said lunch to my house. I have yet to meet the man of my dreams sitting in my own backyard. If I had a nickel for every time a middle-aged man advised me unsolicited that he doesn’t need Viagra I would… Promises of sexual prowess on a first date make me wary, and I can’t help thinking back to high school English when one Lady Macbeth “doth protest too much.” W. No one person is ever at fault in a marriage’s end (except in cases of abuse), and I’m wary of anyone who claims otherwise.
Keep your conversation light, and leave your baggage at home. They are only the situations with which you find yourself coping now, and aren’t defining. The impression you leave at the end of the date is as, if not more, important as the one you make at the beginning. Your date doesn’t know you well, and likely carries the same insecurities you do about whether or not he is liked. Besides, you never know if your date has a friend in mind that might be just right for you. Wear age appropriate clothing, and clothes that are comfortable so you can focus on your conversation rather than fussing with a top that slips down to reveal too much cleavage, pants that restrict the circulation in your legs, and shoes that make the walk to your car feel like . I want to feel good when I’m with my date, and I want to enjoy our time together without feeling as though I’m about to fall into a food coma or heave. I have never fled a date (yet) even when there have been times I wanted to. Any good relationship will be a two-way street, so do your portion of the driving. Those photos on Conan were always super ugly anyway. My date even mimicked the eye movements of a frog as he rattled off the punch line (thankfully there were no accompanying tongue gestures). Only the frog got any action that evening, and I am happy to say it (and my date) lived happily ever after and were never to be heard from again. Planning is key, especially when dealing with children, and it is important to be flexible. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself, so don’t take anyone on as a project. They just don’t want to be married to them anymore because they have fallen out of love.And, sure — some women have been inspired by the “Eat, Pray, Love” syndrome: After raising a family and tending to the home and baking Lord-knows-how-many brownies for Boy Scout fundraisers and volunteering to drive on countless field trips while doing paid or non-paid work (and, yes, being a stay-at-home parent is work), many feel it’s finally “me” time.You’re often in midlife, crisis or not — a time when you may be questioning what you’ve done, what you haven’t done, and where you want to be. They say they simply wish they were no longer married. They wonder if this is how they are doomed to live the rest of their lives (and most of them have another 40 years ahead of them).The common factor among all of these women is that they say that their husbands are really solid, good, nice men.I might just be feeling sorry for myself but it seems to me that a 50ish woman is somewhere in no-man’s land for a future relationship. So, I guess what I’m trying to say in response to your asking my thoughts on the likelihood of a 50 year old woman finding a second life partner is: I HAVE NO CLUE, I’ll let you know when I find out? Perhaps this same attitude applies when it comes to dating. I equate happiness with: children, family, career, fun and surrounding myself with people I love and enjoy, whether that involves romantic love or not. The last thing I will tell you to do is to slow down and don’t panic. I may be generalizing but do you see the same thing? If in your 40’s, it seems OK to me to date guys in their 30’s, 40’s or 50’s. Guys in their 30’s are definitely out, guys in the 40’s might work, but they might want women in their 30’s or 40’s, guys in their 50’s definitely want girls in their 30’s or 40’s, and guys in their 60’s are just too old. Being new at this, I’m going to go for just being my Gosh darn self and if someone wants to date me, great, and if they think I’m too old, then so be it. However, when I speak about him to others, I am fair about why our marriage ended. Admittedly, I am not a fan of his past indiscretion. It’s all about believing you have a lot to offer someone, which I do. I’ll leave you with this–Beautiful women who are over 50: Michelle Pfeiffer, Andie Mac Dowell, Catherine Keener, Oprah, Madonna, Kim Basinger, Kim Catrall, Christie Brinkley, Diane Sawyer, Jennifer Grey Best of luck!