I get asked out on lots of dates (ok, so humor me).
In an attempt to narrow the field I’ve created this date application page.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my darling boy, you will continue to date no one but him until you come to an amicable agreement to separate.
If you break his heart, I will most assuredly make you wish you'd never been born, dear.
Gentlemen – maybe you can use this date application as a way to break the ice when you’re introducing me to the ladies.
Welcome to my website and personal playground, where I've been publishing thoughts and random creations since the late 90s.
My boys are every bit as precious and awesome and wonderful as your little princess, Mr. Matter of fact, they are so amazing, I think we need to set a few ground rules for dating my son!
I'm sure you've are enlightened about sex, and have all the latest information on diseases and methods of contraception.
You may even be using one of these methods, "just in case". Well, I'd like to offer one wee extra bit of information for your general edification - if you even THINK of touching my son in an intimate fashion, I will break every bone in your hands - no questions asked - just to helpfully remind you of my favorite method of contraception, which is this nifty "new" idea called "abstinence" until marriage...
Should you happen to stop by here, please remember there is still such a thing as manners.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my son to appear, and more than thirty seconds goes by, do not sigh and fidget, and do not snap your gum.